Hands shaking, mind racing.
How long have I been in this pit?
Feet unsteady, breaths are labored.
This is where I wrestled with God.
How could You possibly abandon me?
How could You allow this to happen to me?
If You are a good God, wouldn't you come and rescue me?
I carry this pain, don't You see me suffering?
And then, there was light.
Harsh, at first.
It filled my little pit.
It overwhelmed the darkness that I sat in.
It chased away the demons I'd invited in.
It showed me what I did not want to see.
Sitting in this pit, yes, I held my pain in my hands with a grip tight as death.
I held it, and it held me.
Then the light, the Glorious Light, drew me in.
Where I expected wrath, I felt warmth.
Where I anticipated punishment, I was met with Grace.
When I viewed God as far from me, He came and dwelt in my pit with me.
He bound my wounds.
He unshackled my chains.
He put breath into my lungs.
And He spoke.
I am Your God, Who has never once abandoned You.
You've dug yourself into this pit, and I didn't try to stop you.
You needed to learn that your healing does not depend on you.
You needed to see that all along, I have been waiting to rescue you.
I meet you in your darkness,
I meet you in your pain.
I never intended you to carry this weight on your own,
but you would not give it up to me.
Shake off your chains, beloved.
Brush off the dirt, my prodigal child.
You are my daughter, and I say to you, Rise Up.